#2: Crushing Self-Expectation
Any unrealistic expectation is delusional
We tend to think of expectations as something we mostly have for other people. Although it’s tough, we eventually learn to admit that someone wasn’t able to fulfill our expectations. Since that other person is an external agent, we reserve the right for them to be different and inconceivable to our value system. No matter how disappointed, we are eventually humbled by our inability to really change another person.
Self-expectation, on the other hand, tends to be less forgiving. Because the subject of the expectation is the one person I am supposed to have full control over: myself. First off, it’s hard to observe myself impartially. Unless I have a very high level of self-awareness from carefully observing myself, how do I even know what to expect of myself?! Even if I know, I still have to fight the internal forces of clashing identities. For example, I know I can expect myself to sit down and finish my tasks…unless my social identity is challenged with an offer to do something fun.
How do I develop a realistic and sustainable self-expectation? By intentionally fighting off the delusion of what I want things to be and instead closely observing how they really are. To do that, I need a level of separation from my biases and illusions. I really want to be X, I can get to being X eventually, but what am I right now? What is the omnipresent truth of things?