#28: Overlapping Feedback
Feedback is a gift and it must be earned
At the end of 2020, I asked five of my closest friends for feedback. What is off-putting in my behavior? Are there things you haven’t brought up to me? Are there any trends you are noticing? The goal was to learn from the people I spend the most time with about me, both positive and negative, to have concrete data for directing my personal progress.
First off, it was a great practice. Some things I heard were tough, but I was deeply grateful my friends had the courage to say it and I had the courage to take it. Jeremiah always says “Feedback is a gift and it must be earned”. I “earned” the feedback by instilling my friends with a sense of trust that I will be grateful more than I would be hurt. In the end, these untold thoughts accumulate in the background and result in negative emotions. So feeling even really hurt in the moment but knowing how to improve your relationships is the best outcome.
Although individual comments were valuable, the most precious insights came from the overlaps in feedback given by different people. When I sat down with all of my notes, I started seeing certain patterns emerging. Seeing that more comprehensive picture of things helped me remember my past and have a deeper understanding of why I behaved a certain way. It also helped me craft a path of evolving out of certain negative behavioral patterns.