#10 Disagreeing with someone you love
Crucial adulthood experience
Yesterday I discovered how profoundly I and my mentor disagree on the topic of college. Because this topic didn’t come up as radically before, we were able to maneuver away from it to avoid this clash. But at a certain point, the collision of values is inevitable.
It’s way harder to accept that I disagree with someone I respect compared to a random person. The less emotionally attached I am, the more likely it is to be rational in the moment of considering their arguments. But with someone I respect and have a history together with, my emotions get in the way of clearly considering their words separate from the way I feel about them. Additionally, I inevitably end up asking myself: “What does the fact that they disagree with me now say about the future of our relationship?”
Disagreeing with someone I love and respect, however, is a crucial part of growing up. It’s the moment when I learn to own my stance regardless of the support I will get from this person. Moreover, I am ready to commit to this stance despite the pain I will feel from facing this disagreement. It’s a moment on my adulthood journey when I dare to tell myself:
“I love you and I respect you. I understand what you mean. My respect for you doesn’t go away. But I believe in a different truth and I must commit to it. I must live the truth that I believe.”